You love your husband.
You love the bond you two have built over the years and are willing to do anything to save it.
Although a will to do anything to save a marriage is necessary, without a strategic plan your willpower may not be enough (especially when you’re the only one putting in the effort).
In this article, I’ll give you strategic steps you can take that show you how to save a broken marriage.
But in order to move forward with confidence, we first have to look backward and learn why the marriage became broken.
To make the changes necessary to save a broken marriage you first need to understand the underlying problems that brought you here.
If you don’t effectively address you’ll be swimming upstream as you attempt to fix the marriage.
So often the issues that impact a marriage have nothing to do with the marriage itself.
What do I mean by that?
I mean the external impacts the internal.
Let’s take the external pressures of finances for example.
Money issues are often cited as one of the most common reasons leading to divorce.
Study after study shows that a lack of money leads to stress. Stress inevitably leads to anxiety in the home and conflict with those closest to you, regardless of how much you love them.
But it doesn’t just have to be money-related. There are plenty of external issues that generate stress which ultimately throw a wrench in your otherwise well-oiled marriage.
This stress leads to an abundance of cortisol being released which is akin to having our fight or flight response constantly triggered.
This constant state of panic will wreak havoc on all aspects of your life, not just your marriage.
The most effective way to address this issue isn’t necessarily to invest more time in your marriage, but to invest more time in addressing your financial worries.
Secure finances make for a more secure marriage.
When did your marriage begin to deteriorate?
It’s likely that we can trace it back to when you realized that your needs or your partner’s needs weren’t being met.
Everyone has certain needs that if not met could lead to resentment.
For example.
Your husband may need to feel important. If he’s not made to feel important at work or at home he may take out his frustrations on you. Notice that I mention at home AND at work. This is another external factor that is out of your control. When an external issue out of your hands is impacting the well-being of your partner the best you can do is be there for him. Listen, have open lines of communication, and just be there for him.
However, let’s discuss the emotional needs chiefly provided by partners that aren’t being met.
Let’s say one partner craves intimacy and quality time but the other partner is always on their phone. Or that one partner craves spontaneity and the need to go out and socialize while the other is too tired and wants to stay home all the time.
We all have needs that can at least partially be addressed by a partner.
If they’re not being fulfilled, it will cause resentment.
This is why having conversations about what your partner needs from you (and vice versa) is vital to the health of a romantic relationship.
If you want to dive even deeper have you and your partner take the love language test. It may sound silly but love languages reveal how your partner prefers to receive love from you.
The five ways include:
Thinking about how we prefer to receive and send love will put you and your partner on the path to ensuring your needs are being met.
Everyone has marital issues every once in a while.
Everyone has fights they get into and petty arguments.
What matters most is the ability to quickly move past differences and making sure these issues don’t repeatedly pop up.
An abundance of external issues paired with needs repeatedly not being met can compound over time.
Think of this as a snowball that keeps growing bigger and bigger.
If it gets big enough it’ll roll right over your marriage.
As a result, you’ll either be in an extremely uncomfortable place or your marriage will transform into a more platonic, companionate, or even roommate-like relationship with your partner.
External issues needs not being met, and the compound effect of these two problems not being addressed has led to the deterioration of your marriage.
If these are what caused a rupture, how do we save a broken marriage?
If you’re the only one trying, these are the 3 steps you absolutely must adhere to in order to salvage a marriage.
Whether you know it or not we all use emotional weapons.
We all use little unhealthy manipulative or passive-aggressive tactics to make our points and try to get what we want.
Of course, we shouldn’t but we’re human and sometimes we resort to using these harmful weapons.
Let me give you an example of an emotional weapon.
Ever since I was a child when I’d become angry or annoyed with someone I’d become reticent and would avoid socializing until someone would see my discomfort and ask me what was wrong.
Instead of making it known that I was uncomfortable and being proactive and trying to improve the situation, I’d become visibly distant until someone else reached out.
Even in past relationships, I would use this habit. When the respective partners and I got into an argument sometimes I’d distance myself until they asked me what’s wrong. Only then would I open my mouth and typically vomit out all the pain I’d been harbouring.
The first step to healing and mending what’s been broken is to create healthy communication.
Start learning to communicate in healthy ways.
Instead of bottling things up only for them to percolate and explode later on be proactive and address the issue when it arises in a healthy way. Be open and honest with your partner and show them you’re always willing to listen and have a constructive conversation.
Out of all the solutions, you’ll hear today, this one will be the most difficult to implement.
Because when you’re annoyed with someone the last thing you want to do is show compassion and empathy.
You think that you’ve been wronged, why should you be the one reaching out and empathizing with them. It should be the other way around!
I hear you.
Maybe you have been wronged. Maybe you’re more right than wrong in the issue that arose. But knowing that you have the moral higher ground won’t help you save a broken marriage.
That’s the truth.
But look, hanging onto negative emotions and resentment consumes valuable energy, makes things worse, and isn’t productive.
Connecting with their heart, showing compassion, and understanding where they’re coming from allows you to become more empathetic and start finding solutions.
I know this sounds unfair, especially if you know for a fact your husband is to blame for the rift in your marriage.
But let’s be logical.
Will resentment and playing unhealthy mind games really benefit your relationship? Or are you acting this way because your ego is refusing you from being the first one to reach out?
Taking the lead and showing compassion encourages him to follow suit and connect with your positive energy. By bringing your positive energy to the table, he’ll be much more likely to want to connect and right the wrongs than by behaving negatively.
Negativity impacts body language, tone, and language.
The clients of mine that have improved most are those able to put their ego to the side and show compassion.
Cultivate more compassion by simply taking a breath, trying to understand your husband’s situation and his POV, and via gratitude meditation.
The next time you feel those negative feelings creep up on you, I want you to take a deep breath and think of this Nelson Mandela quote…
“Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Your internal well-being impacts the external.
If you’re in a happy, secure, confident state of mind you’re more likely to have healthy relationships. If you’re not in this place, go deeper and heal wounds and traumatic experiences. Addressing these wounds will create a more meaningful transformation that will ultimately manifest in your relationship.
Your mindset will always play a massive role in how you interact with those you love.
We all know that the more annoyed we are the less enjoyable we are to be around.
The goal is to address underlying issues in order to create a more stable and loving romantic relationship.
So how do we save a broken marriage?
Let’s recap.
It begins by understanding what went wrong.
By understanding:
Next, start transforming and mending your marriage by:
You have probably found this difficult right?
That’s why I’ve created the Authentic Relationship System program. This purpose of this program is to help you heal from infidelity and understand male psychology so that it maximises your chances of saving your marriage.
I’d love to learn more about you and your marriage. Let’s chat via a 1-on-1 conversation where we can learn more about each other.