The fact that you have reached this page only means one thing: you are wanting to understand how to save your marriage from divorce.
And most probably, you are having to deal with the green-eyed monster that so many women have to face when it comes to marriage – the belief that you are not enough. That you are not smart enough. You are not beautiful enough. That you are the reason why your marriage is where it stands right now.
Now, If this is what you are feeling, my heart goes out to you.
You aren’t alone on this one but allow me to help you look at it from a different perspective.
Reality is – these beliefs need to change in order to save your marriage from divorce. Holding on to these beliefs can honestly feel isolating – that you are alone, that you don’t have anyone to hold on to.
But this does not mean that this has to be your reality.
What’s important right now is for you to recognise that all shifts in a marriage always start from within you first. When you do that and truly dive into your own internal growth, then it’s incredible how quickly these shifts can occur.
The belief of not being good enough really takes a toll on your life and it makes it even more difficult when answering the question “How do I save my marriage from divorce?” This impacts you in two ways:
What you feel inside is reflected on the outside.
If you always hold on to this belief – that you are not good enough, that you are not worthy of love and attention, that you are not worthy of success and all sorts – then people are also going to pick up on it. The way they treat you will mirror how you treat yourself and that can lead to this feeling that all of our problems seem to follow us around wherever we go.
It will impact the way you show up in your Marriage.
Ultimately, this will also show up in your marriage. This will prevent you from setting the right boundaries. It’s going to prevent you from speaking your truth and thinking that your opinion doesn’t count. It’s going to prevent you from taking the necessary actions that you need in order to connect with your partner. Once again, how you feel about yourself will be reflected in the marriage.
As a result, you compensate for this by seeking external validation from your husband. You become really, really needy. You would crave more attention to make you feel that you’re enough but because you are requesting it from an ‘empty’ place, it will always feel like it’s never enough.
Almost like a bucket that has a hole in it. No matter how much water you fill up, it always empties itself
This whole new range of behaviors can somehow affect the marriage. And if you don’t shift this way of thinking, figuring out how to save your marriage from divorce can really be tough.
Stop Focussing on the Wrong Things
In order to shift this belief, you have to forget communication, forget setting boundaries, forget trying to get into the depths of male psychology.
Why? Because for these areas to work, you have to build a more solid and healthy sense of self – otherwise, whenever your husband responds to you, you will react negatively towards him.
Remember, you are enough just as you are! Start being kinder to yourself. Start engaging in some loving acts towards yourself ie Treat yourself to some lovely things from time to time. Go and have a hot bubble bath and embrace your inner goddess. You are worthy of love – the past doesn’t equal the future!
Stop Experimenting with Mentally Draining Tools.
For sure, you’ve heard about techniques such as ‘fake it till you make it’, EMDR or cognitive behavioral therapy, and many tactics relating to your mind and thoughts. The issue with these techniques is simple: they don’t get to the core of the problem.
When you are forced to replay traumatic events, what happens to you? You only create more and more pain. So, as a self-defense mechanism, your mind now ends up suppressing a lot of pain.
Trying to become bulletproof is just like setting yourself up for more failure because you are not creating the deepest shifts from within.
What you have to do is to get to that level where you feel inadequate emotionally. Whilst this sounds counterproductive, confronting these beliefs at the emotional first is the first step towards true healing.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions.
You have to allow yourself to experience some of your emotions. Give yourself the ability to just feel them. No, not thinking about your emotions but truly feeling them.
Ask yourself: where am I actually feeling these emotions in my body? Experience these emotions to the fullest. You must stop looking through things in the past and focus on learning to shift the emotions that come up. While this process seems satisfying and therapeutic to some, in most cases, when people start digging into their past, they end up getting stuck and not having any idea of how to heal those wounds.
So, feel your emotions. Be present and patient with them. experience them as they are.
Note: You can check out more about this on my YT Channel where I talk about how to save your marriage from divorce and and also how to heal your emotions at a deeper level. Watch the video here
Accept your emotions.
Whenever you’re challenged and emotionally feel that you are not enough, the natural course of action is to resist what is coming up internally. This process of thinking, analyzing, and questioning what you feel is part of the resistance.
Now, the key to this process is to get to the place of acceptance. If you don’t feel enough? Embrace it. Accept it. Because once you get into this part, it’s easier to transition and work on the emotional side.
By accepting what you feel, you get to experience all those emotions in the most profound, authentic, and genuine way. This process is necessary for you to start releasing the pain.
The great thing is, once you start to release the pain, you give yourself the chance to connect back with who you are. And who you really are is enough!
You don’t need to be a certain way for anyone. You can just be as beautiful, as authentic as you can be.
Once you learn to become more authentic to yourself, life becomes a reflection of how you feel inside. As a result, this ends up as a beautiful experience of love, joy, happiness, passion, excitement, fun, and success. All the good stuff.
Now I know it can sometimes be really scary facing up to our emotions. Whilst it may seem simple in practice, there are many levels and layers to it and as a result, it can feel quite overwhelming.
Some of these steps are quite challenging. But totally possible to do.
So, if you are feeling completely isolated and alone and unsure about how to handle all of this, then I’d love to be of service to you. Believe me, when you take immediate action, magical things can happen.
What you feel right now does not need a band-aid solution. You can’t magically feel better overnight. That’s why I’ve designed my Authentic Relationship System training program that is geared towards helping you not only save your marriage but also to help you create some really profound shifts from within.
If it feels right for you and you’d like to see if you’re a good fit for my program, then simply BOOK A CALL with me and choose a time that best works for you. I’ll learn more about where you are, where you want to get to, and how we can bridge that gap in the shortest possible time. In addition, you’ll get to connect with the most amazing group of ladies who have all been through intense pain and have truly healed from it. The sooner you do it, the better. Don’t wait for life to get in your way. BOOK A CALL NOW and begin the path towards true joy and happiness.