Isn’t this the most frustrating thing when men shut down?
Your relationship isn’t going as well as you would like.
Everytime he gets home from work, he probably just goes and turns the tv on.
You might get a token kiss but that’s about it.
All you’re really after is just a bit of quality time but he doesn’t seem to be interested.
You then try and have a chat…
not to try and blame him…
but just to discuss improving the relationship…
And rather than coming up with ideas and giving you that reassurance that you need…
He just shuts down.
It sucks right?
Yup, guys act all tough and macho in most aspects of their lives but there is one area which hits them hard.
And that is relationships.
It’s kinda weird aye?
In business or in other aspects of life, men are determined and motivated to get better and improve…
But in relationships they end up struggling so much…
All relationships have their problems.
That’s just the nature of life.
There’s always going to be shit to deal with and the good news is that that’s a good thing.
But the fact that he shuts down is not your issue.
It’s his.
and here’s why…
Right from day 1 of human civilisation, men were expected to be the providers.
The tough macho guys who could hunt…
Bring home the food…
And protect their woman and kids from harm.
So as a species, men have just evolved through these foundations over time.
Here’s the challenge though.
Men are humans as well and they experience a range of emotions.
But they tend to do one thing when it comes to dealing with negative emotions that ends up being problematic…
And that is they suppress them.
Why?
Yup, negativity is a weakness.
Now before I go on, I need to mention that I write this as a general rule. Yes, of course, there are many men who are emotional and are deeply in touch with their feelings and emotions.
But for a large chunk of men who shut down, this is why.
Negativity feels weak.
It feels powerless.
It feels like there is a loss of masculine strength and control…
Because at the deepest level, they are forced to deal with their greatest fears.
And that’s a super scary place for them.
Imagine you are supposed to be the provider.
You are meant to protect and take care of your loved one.
To kick ass at work and demand respect and feel significant…
And your sense of purpose is determined by achievement and breaking through and rising to the top…
What would happen if you started to feel negative emotions where you begin to doubt yourself?
You’d want to quickly run from it right?
Especially if you were supposed to be tough, strong, competitive and a super achiever?
Ok fine Sri, but we’re not talking about climbing the corporate ladder here!
We’re talking about saving our marriage.
And you’re 100% right!
But what makes this situation even worse is that it brings up his greatest fear that he won’t be loved.
Because if he isn’t making you happy, he’s failing big time!
So that’s why he shuts down.
Build on success, not on failure.
There is no magic pill that will suddenly turn it around.
It’s all about consistent effort to come from a place of love and not fear.
Appreciate him, love him, make him feel significant and tell him how amazing he is when he does great things.
From there he will associate good feelings about ‘winning’ with you.
Then from there you can start to introduce some of your needs but in a very light and fun manner where he knows he can make you happy easily.
In essence, you are subtly coaching him.
Make sense?
Yup, I totally understand.
Especially given that each relationship and person has slightly different circumstances and personal history.
Hence, that’s why I’m here to help.
I have a couple of spots opening up for a free consultation with me to determine how to get your man back or how to rekindle the spark in your current relationship/marriage.
No pressure at all. If it’s something that feels right for you then I would encourage you to go ahead with so CLICK HERE to choose a time. I am pretty busy right now so I can’t promise that slots will be available but if not, then you will be able to add yourself to a waitlist.
Much Love
Sri