Elizabeth was afraid…
Her self worth and confidence was shot to pieces…
Her partner was a narcissist but because of the push and pull effect, she found herself unable to walk away…
She was torn. She knew that the relationship wasn’t necessarily the right one for her but he demonstrated glimpses of the charm and love that she was attracted to at the start.
Well, I can’t tell you how common it is and it breaks my heart.
When Elizabeth started working with me, she wanted to figure out what she could to improve the relationship. The highs were accompanied by massive lows and she knew that this wasn’t the right way to live.
Hence, we talked about her relationship and the different roles that were going on. I explained to her a little about narcissism and how often one of the best courses of action that you can take with narcissists is to GTHO (get the hell out)!
“One of the best courses of action that you can take with narcissists is to GTHO (get the hell out)!”
This blog isn’t about narcissism though. It’s about explaining to you how to regain the courage and strength to be able to end a relationship when you’re not being treated in ways that you deserve. Below are the 3 thought shifts in thought that Elizabeth had in order to end this relationship that was threatening to destroy her sense of self.
Here we go:
One of the greatest fears that we all have is the fear that we are not good enough. This is something that is within us all, however it all depends on the environment that we surround ourselves with that determines how much this belief rears its ugly head. For Elizabeth, her previous partner would consistently bring her down – whether that’s in the form of verbal abuse, criticism or simply a lack of attention and presence – the relationship would continue to make her feel like she simply wasn’t good enough.
Here’s the thing though. When we began our coaching work and really drilled home the idea that she was good enough just as she was without needing a relationship or needing someone to validate her – well it was as if a lightbulb went off in her head. She had constantly heard throughout the course of her life that she was never enough and now she began to see the real truth.
Always remember, you are good enough just as you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!
I once heard a person (I forget who!) say — “life will pay whatever price you ask of it”. In other words, whatever you set your standards to, you will get.
If your standard is to have a man who will treat you with respect and love, then that will allow you to notice the warning signs early and know what action to take. How? Because you value yourself. When you value yourself, you know that a man has to meet a certain standard before he can be with you. There will be little things that he will do that will determine whether he is the right fit for you.
I see so many women overlooking all these little things and then getting hurt in the long run. This was also the case with Elizabeth. Primarily because she was so caught up in the initial ‘honeymoon’ period and chose to ignore the warning signs. Trust me — I totally get it cause i’ve been through the exact same process. I was so lured to having a relationship that I completely overlooked the warning signs. That was until there was a moment of massive heartbreak.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
You are magnificent! Don’t let anyone tell you any different! You were born, so if you’re good enough for god, you’re good enough for you. The more you value yourself, the more others will value you and treat you with the love that you deserve!
It’s easy to get caught up in the other partner and ‘need’ that person in an unhealthy way. This is a dangerous place to get to because when we place our attachment on someone else, then we are setting ourselves up for a massive fall.
Why? Because it’s almost impossible to control another person. We can influence, but we can never control. What this means is that we end up giving away our power and placing it in someone else’s hands which will never get you the levels of happiness and joy that you are longing for.
So how do we shift this?
You do it by recognising that your life is more than a man. Yes, relationships are the greatest experience we can have because love and intimacy with another partner can be pure bliss. However, when we need another person to fill ourselves up and feel worthwhile, then we are making a huge mistake. Your sense of worth and independence must come from within – not through external sources.
When Elizabeth made this distinction, she then mustered up the courage to to walk away from her destructive relationship!
Now just to make a really clear point here. This blog is intended on filling women with hope who are in relationships that are destructive and have played a role in creating a massive reduction in their self confidence. It is not about motivating women to leave relationships that aren’t necessarily meeting their needs. Often relationships can be shifted very quickly just by understanding male psychology but sometimes there are extremes and this blog is targeted at those who are are struggling with self worth and giving them hope and direction.
Self worth and confidence is never destroyed, it is simply repressed. When you access the deepest parts of yourself and create those shifts in mindset that you need to, you can access true self love which is greater and more powerful than any man could ever give to you!