A sacred pact has been broken.
Your husband has strayed and now you’re left wondering how to heal from cheating and move forward.
I know it seems as though the world will forever be stuck in this moment, but you’re not trapped in quicksand. Men have been cheating on women since the advent of monogamy. And ever since that first dalliance, women have been picking up the pieces and moving forward. You now join a strong line of women that have sought to put one foot in front of the other as they move forward with confidence.
It may feel like you’re in the middle of a category-five hurricane, but even the worst of storms pass. Now it’s up to you to decide who you want to move forward.
When women come to me that have been cheated on, they usually choose one of two paths.
They either are 1) deadset on leaving their husbands or 2) are conflicted but want to try to reclaim the happiness they felt with their spouse.
Whichever path you choose, the steps toward healing and moving forward are the same.
It was the great Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius that sagely said, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
The great stoics of old realized that you can’t control external events. You can’t bend people to your will and force people to love and respect you. You may try your best to do so but in the end the only thing you really have control over is your mind.
It’s with this in mind that we will attempt to heal from cheating, not necessarily by explicitly mending the relationship you have with your husband, but rather by quelling the storm that’s been brewing internally.
There are three steps we need to apply when addressing how to heal from cheating. And yes, they all pertain to internal healing. To move forward with confidence you must master your own domain.
To do so you’ll need to understand internal wounds. Address feelings of rejection, abandonment, and inadequacy that have given rise as a result of infidelity. But doing so is no easy feat. There are certain behaviors that can hinder the ability to make meaningful progress.
To put you on the right track let’s talk about the three behaviors you’ll want in your emotional toolkit that will help you best navigate forward.
It was Socrates that claimed to know nothing.
Of course, the great Greek philosopher knew more than most. But Socrates knew that, hubris is the death of wisdom. The moment we claim to know everything is the moment we stop learning.
Sometimes I speak to women who have recently been cheated on and they claim to understand the situation perfectly and to have never done anything wrong in the relationship. They refuse advice and live in a world where the only person’s opinion that matters is their own. It’s this close-minded, and one-sided narrative that gives them the higher moral road and closes them off to any growth.
Because of course, if they aren’t to blame and it’s all on him, why should they be forced to heal? He cheated, he should grow up not me.
Look I agree. He’s the one that strayed, he should ask for forgiveness and get on his hands and knees to apologize. But being ethically sound won’t magically make him beg for forgiveness. You can’t wait for him to change. The only thing you can do is focus on yourself.
This is why it’s so important to keep an open mind.
Be willing to listen to him, to the advice of others, and to understand the many nuances of the situation. You don’t have the answers to everything. But being willing to listen and learn will get you closer to some of the crucial answers that may dictate how you move forward with your relationship.
There is a reason so many people give up on their New Year’s resolutions just a few weeks into the new year.
We all desire change but most don’t care to put the effort in. Sure we want to learn how to play guitar or run a marathon, but many only imagine the gratification of achieving these goals when embarking on them.
Few take the time to imagine the pain and struggle they’ll endure on the path toward mastery.
The same goes for healing from infidelity.
It’s easy to turn your back on healing. It’s easy to refuse to have difficult conversations, to look away when you should be introspecting, and to lash out.
These are all easy things to do when you’re suffering.
The work of healing is difficult because it’s rife with pain. There’s little quick gratification to be found on the road to healing. But if you stay to the path long enough you will be rewarded with long-term healing, sustained gratification, and a sense of well-being you couldn’t have imagined a brief time ago.
On the road to healing, run towards fear, do not hide from it. Chances are that by confronting that fear you will be rewarded. You’ll be rewarded in the long run when you ask yourself the difficult questions like whether you want to stay or leave your husband, whether you think you can forgive him, and whether you are able to have compassion for why he strayed and understand his reasons for doing so.
This takes courage and emotionally draining work.
I know that it’s scary. I know it feels like nothing good will ever come from asking the tough questions because you’re so far away from healing. But think of the process as though you were going to the gym in an attempt to build more stamina.
The first time you hit the treadmill maybe you can barely jog a mile. You can’t imagine how you’ll ever be to run that 5k. But somehow you find the willpower to hit the treadmill again and run just a little while longer. Naturally, it’ll become easier and you’ll be able to push yourself just that little bit more.
You won’t defeat the dragon in one day.
How to heal from cheating is all about celebrating the minor achievements. It’s about appreciating every step forward and knowing that things will get easier the more work you put in.
The best way to put in the work of healing is to take the most minor step toward achieving your ultimate goal. Maybe you want to have a sit-down conversation with your spouse about the infidelity. This conversation is a ways away but to work towards getting to the point where you can actually have this conversation, you need to be able to face your husband and be willing to listen to him.
So perhaps the first step towards this is simply looking at a photo of him or typing out a message but not sending it.
Having the courage to put the work in and knowing which work should be done isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s best to team up with a coach that can help you heal.
It’s easy to blame yourself. To say that you could have been this and that.
The reality is that he did what he did. Maybe you could have done things differently and maybe he would have cheated regardless of your actions. There is no changing the past.
Don’t let yourself be your worst enemy.
Instead, talk to yourself as you would a five-year-old.
Would you berate a child and say all the horrible things you’ve been saying about yourself to them?
Blaming yourself will crush your confidence and lead you down an unhealthy spiral.
Instead, focus on healing and positive changes you can make. Chances that will demand his attention. Address internal wounds, focus on yourself and find a way to move forward with grace. Soon enough not only will you begin to feel better but he may take notice as well.
There is no obvious path forward.
Moving past the emotional pain of infidelity isn’t like training for a 5k. There aren’t hundreds of training plans you can Google and follow with ease.
If the path forward appears hazy, let’s talk.
I have helped hundreds of women recovering from infidelity heal and become reborn. Whether they decide to stay with their spouse or not is up to them. I simply help women understand male psychology and heal profoundly. Should we team up it’s not just me that you’ll have as support but a host of other women that are going through the same trying situation you too are confronting.
Via our video curriculum and live sessions over a six-month period I will help you heal and become the woman you could not have imagined becoming just a few months ago.
I’d love to learn more about you and see if my program is the right fit for you via a 1-on-1 call. Click this link so we can learn more about each other.