Has your husband been a bit off lately?
Does he have dreams of grandeur, has he ditched his routine, and has he been obsessing over the past?
These are all signs of a midlife crisis.
Everyone’s midlife crisis manifests itself differently.
Some people purchase expensive sports cars while others become gym rats.
Whatever his signs might be, you don’t know how to react to this person that appears to have hijacked your husband’s body.
Maybe your husband wants to move on from the relationship or maybe this is just a phase that will quickly pass.
It’s difficult to enjoy a relationship while one member is in crisis mode.
There are steps you can take that come from a place of love that you can use to help your husband, family, and marriage move past this confusing stage.
A recent national survey found that 26% of Americans experience a midlife crisis.
Having an existential crisis in one’s late 30s or 40s isn’t out of the ordinary – especially nowadays.
The problem with your husband having a midlife crisis is that his decisions have a massive impact on those around him.
How he reacts during this confusing time impacts you, your family, your children, your stability, and every aspect of your life.
These concrete steps will help your husband manage this crisis so that your marriage and family and move forward together.
A crisis is likely to take place if a man’s expectations of life haven’t aligned with reality.
It’s this discrepancy that fills them with dread, regret, and at least temporarily, some pretty bad ideas.
Changing parents and social roles and a chaotic period of time are also fertile grounds for a crisis to take place.
What makes this personal crisis so destructive is the years of repression that may have taken place. Men aren’t always willing to voice their aspirations or disappointment at not having accomplished what they wanted to.
When what’s been percolating for so long finally gets loose it could manifest itself in infidelity, fatigue, or rash decisions.
If you’re asking the question “Is my husband having a midlife crisis?” then this point is key!
If he feels as though he could have should have accomplished more in his life by now, he may be looking for people to blame.
It’s likely he’ll point the finger at you or at least place part of the blame on his shoulders.
As the woman he’s been with for the longest, you’ve played a major role in his life.
As such he may lash out and unfairly blame you for hindering his achievements.
To make up for lost time he’ll want to release himself from marital and parental shackles. He may try to flee emotionally or even physically.
Men naturally crave freedom, but this need for independence is compounded by a feeling that he hasn’t done enough with his life.
He sees his current environment as an impediment and wants to get away.
Naturally, you’re torn.
You want to tell him his impulsions are ridiculous, but at the same time, you know calling him out may further alienate him.
Here’s what you do.
Your initial reaction is to push back.
To tell him the cold truth.
That no man of 40 needs to be chasing childish dreams, splashing thousands of dollars on a sports car abandoning his responsibilities are a parent or husband because he’s feeling down.
It makes sense that you feel this way. You can steer the ship alone. Marriage and parenting is an operation that takes two clear-headed individuals to manage.
But he’s fragile and emotional.
Telling him to man up or shooting down his dreams will only make him resent you.
Instead of immediately jumping and presenting yourself as a hindrance, try to understand where his head is at.
Ask him why he’s feeling the way he is.
Have an open dialogue while withholding judgment.
Support him during this odd time. If he sees that you’re on his team you become an even more integral life partner rather than an obstacle preventing him from fulfillment.
But let’s be clear.
Support doesn’t have to mean bowing to his decision to go on a spontaneous month-long trip to Alaska.
Support means hearing him out, not railing against him and judging him at every turn. It means giving him the space to make some questionable decisions (so long as they’re within reason). Allow him the freedom to make these decisions and see her himself that this alternative way of living isn’t all he made it out to be.
If he can’t explore on his own he may resent you in the long run and prolong this crisis.
Remember.
You can voice your objections and tell him what you really think.
As long as you’re also giving him the space to make his own decisions and are abstaining from harsh judgment.
Do you really understand what’s going on inside his head?
Do you know why he’s acting out?
If not, it’s time to get to the bottom of it.
As we’ve discussed, the easiest way to get him to open up is to show him that you’re on his side. You can do this by supporting him.
Sometimes support is as easy as listening without judgment.
Once he knows you’re on his side, you’ll be able to ask more probing questions.
Ask questions such as:
These questions will help you understand him while showing him you care and support him.
While having these discussions make it clear to him that he has nothing to be ashamed of.
Point out his accomplishments.
Talk about how amazing a partner and parent he’s been (if true).
Discuss his professional achievements, his ability to provide for his family, and all the other accomplishments he’s overlooking.
Show him how appreciated and loved he is.
The better you understand your husband the more he’ll see the value in your relationship.
Speaking from a personal standpoint there’s no one that knows me better than my wife.
This unique understanding of who I am comes from the many deep and vulnerable conversations we’ve had. Having someone in my life that understands me at this level grounds me, gives me confidence, and provides me with the kind of love that all men need.
Building this bond with someone ensures that you two will be together forever.
But this bond doesn’t happen overnight.
Remember…
When your husband is dealing with a midlife crisis there are two vital steps you have to take.
Support him.
Understand his deepest ambitions and drivers.
This may sound a bit abstract.
How do you put this into practice?
My program, the Authentic Relationship System is a comprehensive program that will help you heal, understand your husband, and maximize your chances of creating a happy marriage.
The program includes video lessons, a personalised group coaching program, private calls, as well as unlimited personal messaging.
If you’re going through some really tough times in your marriage and you want to learn more about how my program can help you, then book a 1-on-1 call now.
I can’t wait to be of service to you!
P.S – if you want to see some of the remarkable transformations that have occurred through my program, check out my client interviews here