Humans aren’t exactly the most faithful species.
Owl monkeys, bald eagles, and prairie voles are a one-partner type of species.
They find their soulmate, mate, and live out the rest of their lives with that one partner.
But these creatures are anomalies.
Among the living, from bonobos to the honeybee, monogamy isn’t the rule but the exception.
Of the roughly 5,000 mammals we share this planet with, just between 3-5% of monogamous.
Monogamy is a foreign concept for most animals, but what about humans?
Some would argue pairing with one partner when our insides are built to mate at any given moment goes against our nature. But while our nature may pull us one way, society, and more importantly the agreements we make with our partners pull us in another.
So while cheating may just be humans being true to their biology, it goes against cultural norms.
I say this because you may have just been cheated on. You’re in the right to feel disrespected, jealous, and every other emotion our complex species is capable of feeling. But at the same time, when we understand that our biology compels us to act out, we open the door to understanding why our partners sought to fulfill their sexual needs outside of the partnership.
Look, humans are complex, and understanding why do men cheat can lead you down a neverending rabbit hole.
Don’t drive yourself crazy.
Here I want to discuss three common reasons why men cheat.
First of all, allow me to commend you.
You didn’t have to click this article and begin to understand why men cheat. It would have been understandable had you simply broken it off without trying to understand why it happened. A temper tantrum, being depressed, and storming off are all more than reasonable reactions to learning your spouse has cheated.
And yes, maybe you have reacted in one of these ways.
But after that initial explosion has dwindled to a steady flame, you decided to suck up your pride and understand why it happened.
This is the first step to moving forward. Who knows where forward will take you. Perhaps you’ll end the relationship or choose to fix things. But either way you’ll be in a better mental space than had you simply stayed mad forever.
Understanding is part of the healing process.
When we understand we can being to accept.
By accepting we can move forward, take calculated actions, heal properly and maximize the chances of saving marriage if that’s what you desire.
Putting your ego to the side and putting yourself is his shoes is a courageous move, but it’s the move you have to make to begin the healing process.
Well done, but now the hard work begins.
It’s actually not that puzzling why men cheat.
We can understand why they opt for a sexual dalliance by examining the following three reasons.
All humans either hold masculine or feminine energies.
Leanings are not specific to their sex. Women may be more masculine than men and vice versa. One’s masculine or feminine leaning may not align with their assigned sex. That being said the majority of men are more masculine than women with the majority of women having a more feminine energy.
Both energies are beautiful and have their own traits, none being inherently bad or good.
What makes two people attracted to one another is the opposing energies. Think of attraction as a magnet. In order for magnets to connect properly, the opposing poles must match up. In other words, we’re attracted to those with contrasting feminine or masculine energies.
This polarization is a must for any sustainable relationship.
In the beginning of a relationship, the charge is generally strong. Both sides are super attracted to one another, with their true masculine or feminine energies being expressed.
Beginnings are easy because there is so little to get in the way.
But after a while reality starts to wedge its way in between you two. Jobs, money, kids, moving, and life in general has a way of making love a more complicated equation. It used to be just you and him, now there are other variables in play.
As the stress beings to build your energies may either being to change or you have less of an opportunity to express your energy.
For example, maybe he used to go to the gym, play sports, get drinks with friends, and make more money. Now he needs to spend more time with kids, has let his body go, no longer sees his friends, and maybe is stagnant professionally.
This can absolutely kill his energy.
That goes both ways. Maybe you don’t feel like the confident, sexy, person you once were.
This energy imbalance can motivate him to reconnect with his former self.
There are a number of ways a guy can do this. Perhaps he joins a fantasy football group, joins an adult men’s basketball league, makes time to hit the gym, coaches the kid’s soccer team, or yes, maybe he needs to reconnect with his former self by being gratified by relationships with a woman that isn’t yourself.
An energy imbalance of course is not a reason to cheat. But a confused man may make such a decision.
To understand where his head is at, discuss how he’s feeling about himself at this point in life. It’s better to ask such questions now than ask why do men cheat later.
This is the number one reason men cheat.
Every human has fundamental human needs that must be met for them to feel satisfied.
Men’s needs however might be slightly different than what a woman needs.
Most men want to feel at least a little significant, powerful, confident, wanted, and that they’re in a relationship that has excitement and joy.
These are pretty basic needs but so many men aren’t having them met and to be fair it’s not always their partner’s fault.
A partner can’t be everything to a man. We all want a partner to be a lover, caregiver, someone to eat spaghetti with, to watch football with, to make money, to run with, etc. but that’s just not realistic. Asking a partner to fulfill all these roles can be an unrealistic expectation.
That being said, it’s on him (and to a degree you) to make sure these needs and roles are being filled. If you don’t want to go to the game with him he needs to find someone that will satisfy that area of his life. If he doesn’t have that person he’ll feel dissatisfied and may resent you.
Of course, it’s not fair, but it’s the reality.
As Esther Perel will tell you, this is why even good men cheat.
If his needs aren’t being met he’ll compromise his values to meet his needs.
The best way to know if he’s fulfilled is to communicate. But as we know, men aren’t always the best at talking about how they feel. They’re also not the best at listening.
Despite this you must attempt to have open discussions about how both parties are feeling. It may feel like the relationship has expired, but it’s not too late to start a healthy dialogue and talk it out.
If talking still seems like a distant possibility that you can’t see yourself doing, start by learning more about male needs and the male psyche by enrolling in my program, the Authentic Relationship System. Here we’ll crack the male psyche open and have a look inside.
We’ve stressed the importance of an open line of communication.
But we’ve also made clear that men aren’t expert communicators.
Couples that share everything are confident in their relationship.
But that’s only the case if communication goes both ways. If you’re more than willing to discuss the good and the bad but he isn’t, he could feel overwhelmed by your sharing. He may understand your desire to improve aspects of the relationships as criticism. This misunderstanding may lead him to wander and find a partner that is less nagging.
He’ll want to feel better about himself and may find that confidence boost in another woman.
Learning effective means of communication isn’t something every man is capable of. If this is his downfall you must use the utmost tact when talking about delicate topics with him. Also be generous with your compliments. We tend to really only open up and have a sit-down chat when something is wrong in a relationship.
Why not have sit-down chats when things are going well?
Also remember that if he’s not talking to you he may have other issues in his life he’s dealing with, and dealing with alone.
Simply by reading this article you’re taking a step in the right direction. Now you need not know where your ultimate destination is, but I can assure you you’re on the right path.
Right now healing may feel like a nebulous goal that you can only imagine happening in the distant future. That doesn’t have to be the case.
With my program, the Authentic Relationship System I’ll put you on a route toward healing. Together we’ll learn about male psychology, help you communicate with more effectively your spouse, and gain back your self-love.
I’d love to learn more about you during a 1-on-1 call. Tell me about your relationship, goals, how you’re feeling, and I’ll see if I can help.