If you’re going through a rough patch, it could be because you’re making certain mistakes that are muting the feminine traits he loves most.
The reality of going through a tough time in your marriage is that both parties operate in survival mode. This is because a troubling spell doesn’t come out of nowhere. The dysfunctionality of a relationship isn’t sudden but builds and builds over time. Negative behaviors compound over time to the point where the pain you both are dealing with is exponentially worse than what you felt when things initially were going downhill.
Before you know it, you or your partner may feel like they’ve been ambushed and are in a relationship they didn’t sign up for.
What I want to do is address four behaviors that, when stacked, can result in the downfall of a partnership. By changing each of these behaviors and showcasing once again the feminine qualities he loves most, you can begin to change the dynamic and downward trend of the most important relationship in your life.
Some or your habits might be covering up the qualities he’s most attracted to. And no, I’m not going to suggest dressing differently or being more docile. I’m not referring to traditional feminine qualities.
The feminine qualities he loves most in you, he might not even recognize himself.
Let’s dive into the traits and behavior that he wants to see more of from you.
There are two sides that make up who we are; the spirit and the ego.
Our spirit has a loving nature. It is vulnerable, forgiving, empathetic, and bursting with joy. On the flip side there is the ego.
Our ego is a collection of traits that have evolved with time. As we grow our ego changes, gets refined, our personality continues to be developed, and in many ways our ego grows to hinder the spirit.
The problem here is that every year we collect more and more traits that are detrimental to our relationships. Over time our ego becomes more of a hindrance than a tool to help grow a relationship.
The worst part is that the worst of our egos may come out when we are faced with scary situations. Should the relationship change, something happen at work, or we be confronted with a difficulty, our the ugly and unhelpful behavior our egos have cultivated hijack our spirit and force us to behave in healthy ways.
Instead of operating from a place of love, our egos work against us.
Changing one’s ego requires rewiring the brain.
This isn’t a quick process that a few tricks can change, it’s a gradual process that requries dedication.
In my program, The Authentic Relationships System, we really dive into overcoming the ego, but in the meantime, I want you to try just one thing.
The next time you feel stressed or annoyed, take a breath and examine your feelings. Take a moment to be present with your feelings and actions. Try to ask yourself if this is the best action you can take before taking it.
You’re much more likely to improve a relationship when your actions are coming from a place of love rather than fear.
Even if this love drove you to take an ill-advised action, the impetus for taking that action came from a place of love. Having your behavior inspired by love will always help you make better decisions than when fear hijacks your frontal lobe and makes decisions for you.
No one (except when running away from a villain) ever wanted their fight-or-flight response to make decisions for them. This is especially the case within the context of a romantic relationship.
And let me be clear. Loving behavior isn’t always lovey-dovey. Loving behavior can still result in stern tellings off and tough love. Acting from a place of love means saying and doing what is best for you and your partner.
Let’s not forget that your husband isn’t the only person that you love. First and foremost, you most advocate for yourself and what is best for you (even if that means leaving him). If you can’t stick up for yourself how can your partner, children, or friends expect you to stick up for them?
Be wise with how you express your love to both yourself and to him.
The feminine quality men love most is authenticity.
How do I know?
A few years back I conducted a survey with men and found that the majority of respondents reported that the trait they care about most in their partner is authenticity.
The best relationships are those that are real and authentic. The ones where two people can sit down and have honest, real conversations. And I’m not just talking about tough conversations but everyday ones too. Ones about values, politics, conversations about how their job makes them feel, if they’re tired, if they really do want to attend the social event coming up or are just being nice, etc.
Being real with your partner and true to yourself is paramount if you want to have a lasting relationship. Being authentic will create authentic relationships that are more likely to flourish than inauthentic ones where you feel yourself shying away from who you are.
Love shines its brightest when both partners feel confident to show who they really are.
When you show him who you are and he accepts you, that’s when you know it’s meant to be (and vice versa). The quickest way to shut down a relationship is to close yourself off and hide who you really are.
Instead, I encourage you to be vulnerable, open, and authentic.
Speak your truth, say what’s inside, and if you need it, ask for help.
Men, especially long-term partners love openness.
It shows him that you feel comfortable with him. It lets him know that he is loved and that you feel safe with him. Knowing this makes him feel significant.
Now, maybe it’s the case where both of you have shut down. Maybe he even started to back off first. While you want him to be as open as he once was, it’s on you to take the first step. You can’t control him, the only person you can control is yourself.
Lead by example and take that first step toward improving the well-being of the relationship for the pair of you.
Working through relationship challenges and internal shifts is difficult.
Don’t expect changes to your love life to be immediate.
The process to getting what you want may be winding and take time.
If you’re lost and need a concrete path forward, let’s talk. I’ve created a system that has helped many a woman just like you get what she wants in love and in life. In the Authentic Relationship System we’ve built a community and a framework you can use to help improve your marriage.