I know you love your husband.
If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here. You would have let the marriage wilt and moved on.
It hurts that you feel as though the affection in your marriage is one-sided. That the relationship you once had is now gone.
I’m here to tell you that may not be true. The flames may still be there, dancing just under the surface.
I’m not feeding you false hope. What I say is based on the results women I’ve worked with have had. They too were wondering how to get my husband to love me again and answered that question, not with magic, but with the following steps.
It feels like there’s no more love left in the well. Every time you try to fill your cup up you realize the holes in the bottom drain the water before you can take a sip.
But maybe you just need to take a step back and come up with a new perspective and strategy.
Quite often I see my clients get caught up in the micro instead of the macro. They have this unhealthy focus on every little detail and interaction. How their husband kissed them, the fact that he doesn’t wash dishes with as much gusto as he used to, and his newfound desire to play golf on Sundays instead of spending time with the family.
It’s this kind of micro over-analyzation that can make you nuts and lead to extreme anxiety.
My advice… take a step back.
Consider the macro instead of the micro. To gain a more realistic understanding of where you and your husband stand examine the relationship in its totality and go from there.
Sweating the little stuff causes anxiety and as a consequence will make you a less appealing partner.
So take a step back and invest your energy into making impactful changes rather than over-worrying about the little stuff.
How do you get your husband to love you again?
Simple.
Become the kind of person everyone loves. What does that person look like?
Well, they’re loving, positive, generous, understanding, selfless, confident, etc.
Too often we demand our partners are more such and such. But is it really fair to demand them to behave in such a way when we ourselves aren’t behaving as the perfect partner?
How can we ask them to change and be a better version of themselves if what we’re asking is for them to be a better version of ourselves as well?
Lead the way and show them the type of person you want them to be by leading by example.
Not only will they naturally model their behavior after yours but they will be more affectionate than ever before. They’ll see you growing and turning into this amazing wonderful person. You’ll become this magnet that attracts everyone to you, including your husband.
If you’ve been disillusioned with your husband’s behavior as of late as yourself the tough question.
Is he just mirroring your negative behavior?
Were you the one that turned your back on him first? Did you bring these negative habits into the relationship?
These are difficult questions but ones worth asking. If he’s changed his opinion of you for the worse because you’ve changed, then yes the fault may be on you.
But this is also a pro.
If you’re the only variable that has changed, you should easily be able to ameliorate the situation.
Maybe you’re feeling as though I’m putting the entire onus to change on you.
I am.
That’s because you can’t make him change.
You can’t blame him for everything and get mad when he continues not to change. You can’t control this person. You’re only hope of creating change is for you to take charge and be the catalyst.
What kind of person does your husband want to be married to?
Does he want a demure, super-feminine wife? Or does he want an outgoing, loud, opinionated, and confident woman?
Understanding what your husband wants will inform you if you two are compatible. Maybe he wants someone who has vastly different values than your own. If that’s the case it may be time to move on.
If your husband at his core wants someone that isn’t you, the truth is you two aren’t meant to be. In no way do you want to change to satisfy his desires. Don’t sacrifice who you are for someone else. Doing so will trap you in a cage, one much worse than the one you think you’re already in.
If staying with your husband means having to change for the worse to do so is the marriage really worth saving?
To an extent differences are okay.
Superficial differences are fine. Maybe he’s really into football but you prefer tennis. Or maybe he likes bluegrass whereas you love indie rock. These are frictionless differences that won’t ruin a relationship.
Clashing core values however have a way of lighting a partnership on fire.
How do you do this?
It’s about getting to know your partner on a really deep level. That means sitting down with them and really digging into each other. Immerse yourself in each other. Listen and ask probing questions.
Derive joy from giving.
Women always ask me how to get my husband to love me again.
Although it may seem out there, my answer would be to enjoy giving.
When you genuinely care about someone enough to put their needs before your own, they feel it. This is one of the most potent ways to show you care. Now I’m not talking about giving him tickets to the big game (even though I’m sure he’d love that). Material gifts are one thing but more so I’m referring to giving acts of love.
That may mean cooking a special meal for him, letting him pick what you two watch, planning a romantic getaway that you pay for, etc.
It means genuinely caring about his well-being and displaying that you care through positive action.
Giving from the heart is a special act that he’ll take note of.
Even a husband that has been cold and neglectful for a while now will light up when he’s the recipient of an act of kindness.
Just make sure you’re giving from a place of love rather than fear.
If you’re struggling to give to your husband because you think he’s unworthy, practice giving to family and friends. Make non-transactional giving part of your daily life.
Learning how to give will fill you. It will make you a happier human being that more people want to be around.
When giving, ask yourself what the intention behind these acts of kindness are? Are they selfish ones? Do you have an ulterior motive? Or do you genuinely care?
Give without expectation.
Give as though you are giving to a child – with no expectation.
It may be difficult to give if you yourself aren’t full on the inside.
If you’re not happy and living a fulfilling life it will be difficult to look past your issues and give to another.
Before you can worry about someone else, fill up your cup. How you do this depends on who you are. Maybe you see a therapist, go for daily walks, go to the gym, hit the spa, spend more time with friends, find a new hobby, and spend meaningful time with friends and family.
Fill that bucket up!
Once you have done this you’ll be ready to invest in others.
What if you give and give because you genuinely love him and he doesn’t reciprocate?
This strategy won’t always work.
Maybe your husband isn’t worthy of your gifts. Or maybe you’re not giving from the right place.
Or perhaps he’s just not in the right state of mind. Maybe there’s something in his life that is impeding him from being present. Maybe it’s a work or social issue. Perhaps it’s something deeper.
If this is the case you may need to alter your strategy.
Figuring out how to get your husband to love you again isn’t straightforward.
I’ve laid out a broad strokes path forward but it won’t be that easy.
In my program, the Authentic Relationship System I break down the concrete steps you need to take to win back his affection.
So many women have come to me confused and unsure of how to move forward.
Together we create a blueprint that works for you.
I’d love to learn more about who you are and your marriage goals and see if I can be of service. Let’s chat via a private 1-on-1 call where we can learn more about each other.