I get it.
It’s difficult to see a way out of your situation when you’ve hit rock bottom.
It feels like you’ve tried everything but to no avail. Like no matter what you do you’re left feeling defeated.
I can understand that it’s difficult to see how things could change. But even though you feel alone and helpless there are countless women that have been in your shoes. There are also countless women that have been able to get out of a similar hole that you find yourself in.
I know some of these women.
Their names are Loree, Sarah, and Monique. I’ve helped lead women just like you past their darkest days and into a brighter future.
There are various ways to try to address this feeling of being defeated.
Understanding what you have tried and how you’ve responded to your efforts will give you a better understanding of how to behave moving forward.
There are those that try a couple of things and wonder why they haven’t made progress. Perhaps the wife in this situation decided to dress cuter and do more of what her husband wanted. After a couple of weeks of this without reaping the rewards, she questions why she even tried to begin with.
Then there are the women that don’t try anything. They claim it’s their husband’s fault for the poor state of their relationship. So they kick back and wait for him to change. Or they nag their husband and shame him, all the while pushing him away. As you can guess, this rarely if ever leads to positive change.
Then there are women who realize that meaningful change can’t be achieved in a day. They turn their backs on shortcuts and instead invest in the long game. They realize that investments every day for a long period of time will reap rewards. So they look inward, commit to change, and stick with their efforts.
But too few women are willing to take this approach.
Instead, they change their behavior for a brief period of time, fail, then once again feel defeated in their relationship. This can be a vicious cycle to break – but there are ways to break the circle.
So how can we create a shift and put an end to feeling defeated in a relationship?
Sure, maybe you’ve changed a thing or two. Maybe you started to exercise to stop feeling so sad and made more of an effort to be there for your husband. Maybe you’ve tried 32 other things but nothing seems to work.
Stop claiming to have tried everything and thus assume nothing will work.
Let’s be real, you haven’t tried everything and you know it. Or maybe you’ve made some positive changes but didn’t stick with them.
I’ve seen clients that claim to have tried everything and then quit altogether, all but securing the demise of their relationship.
Let’s reframe your thinking.
Instead of saying there’s nothing left to try, I want you to imagine endless ways to improve your relationship and yourself. If you need an idea of what those changes look like, give me a call.
If you’re in this perpetual state of feeling beaten, chances are you have a victim consciousness.
This is when you feel as though the universe is transpiring against you. That no matter what you do at the end of the day you’ll be defeated. I know we all go on bad streaks, but I assure you the universe isn’t conspiring against you. It’s working for you!
Be mindful of this the next time you blame an external and nebulous force for your downfall.
So what is the opposite of the victim mindset?
That would be the prosperity mindset. This mindset is where you feel as though everything is working for you. When you’re positive because you know that you have the power to control outcomes (or at least how you feel about outcomes). You’re the only one that can determine how you feel and how you respond to outcomes. It’s a powerful mindest, because you’re accepting that you’re a powerful person with the ability to shape your world.
Prosperity consciousness is a cousin of the growth mindset. It’s this mindset where you realize that growth is possible. That you only need be stagnant if you choose to be. Everyone is capable of growth, they need only to accept their own power and put it to use.
Right now you probably feel as though your husband has a responsibility to change. You clearly want what’s best for the both of you but also feel as though he’s actively working against you.
You may feel resentment towards him. The thing is, as much as you want him to change, that’s not something you can control.
The only person you have control over is yourself.
So to improve your relationship as well as yourself as a person the best thing you can do is look inward. Be honest and ask yourself if you are struggling with feelings of abandonment, rejection, or emotional issues that have plagued you for a while now.
Addressing underlying issues will undoubtedly improve your relationship. It will make it easier to communicate with your husband, give space to understand his behavior, make you more resilient, instill more self-confidence, and will convince your husband to make changes as well.
If he sees you change, he’ll want to change too. You can be the catalyst for his own internal shift even though you’re not actively pushing him to change.
I receive messages all the time from women struggling in their marriages. These women are not clients, in fact I’ve never spoken to them before.
But they find my site, videos, or articles and reach out.
When reaching out they often send 1k+ word emails or messages vomiting out their problems. I see this as a chance for them to vent and feel as though their voices are being heard.
The issue is that this not only is a poor way to handle the situation, but I can’t possibly make every woman that messages me out of the blue feel heard, loved, and significant. That’s what they are looking for here, but they can better get this need satisfied in other ways.
There are better ways to satisfy needs.
If you want security maybe you can foster that from within, maybe a close friend or family member can give that to you. Perhaps you’re looking to feel valued, so maybe you join a new social group OR again, maybe you start seeing yourself for the amazing human you are.
It all comes down to addressing internal emotional wounds.
If you don’t focus on healing internally, even if your husband makes some changes, it won’t be enough to satisfy you and create a lasting and fulfilling romantic relationship.
Sure some cracks have been addressed, but there are still gaping holes in the relationship (but more specifically in yourself) that need filling.
Not focusing on one’s own growth will inevitably lead to problems arising again and again.
If you’re stuck and feeling defeated in a relationship and want to create profound shifts and be a part of a community of supportive women, I’d love to have you in my program, the Authentic Relationship System.
My program will help you create those internal shifts that are so important not only in saving your marriage but in making you a happier person regardless of the romantic relationship you’re in.
I’d love to talk to you about where you’re at in your marriage and what you’d like to get out of it, via a 1-on-1 chat.