For some, the signs of an impending apocalypse come in the form of the earth’s water rising above the mountains or the earth literally splitting in two. But lately, it feels as though an impending separation is the only sign you need.
Life may feel a bit apocalyptic right now, but I can assure you it’s not the end of the world.
Whether your relationship endures a hard patch and prospers or ends, life will go on. I can imagine you’ve been told this before. While it may seem cliche it’s true. When a relationship ends it gives space for something else to grow in its place.
While expectations should be managed and you should prepare for the worst, it’s still possible to salvage your marriage.
Together, let’s focus on how to get your husband back by focusing on the following steps. It’s these steps that so many of my clients have used in the past to maximize their chances of saving their marriage.
Before we create your blueprint, let’s talk about your mentality for a second.
So many women that come to me are either in one of two mindsets.
The first mindset is one of vacillation. They don’t know if they want the relationship to end or if they want to put everything they have into keeping it alive. And this makes sense when so much is the line. Sometimes we think we should stay together for the kids, for the routine, for stability’s sake instead of putting our personal happiness first. Or sometimes we think we’re in love but the next moment we’re questioning our compatibility.
The second mindset is much more stable. The second is a conviction you have to stay together. You know how you feel about your husband and would give it all to be with him.
It’s those that know exactly what they want that I’m speaking to.
I say this because I’m not in the mind of saving everything marriage that ever was. I don’t want to help you stay with your husband when you’re unsure yourself. Only you know what your heart wants. There are a million and one variables in play. The situation is too complex for a stranger to come in, assess, and then tell you how to move forward.
And for those that fall into the second camp I also have a message for you.
Not all marriages can or should be saved. Some marriages are best left in the past. Doing so will give you another chance to live an even better life than the one you lived before. If you adhere to the following steps you’ll increase the odds of getting your husband back. But more importantly, you’ll begin the internal healing process. A process that regardless of the romantic outcome will serve you moving forward. I help clients rediscover who they are and live without regret.
Sometimes you do everything you can to save a marriage but it still doesn’t work out. I can’t promise to save your marriage. What I can promise is that you’ll heal and be equipped with the fortitude to go forth and prosper even if the marriage doesn’t work out.
When there are only two parties involved it’s easy to blame yourself.
What makes the self-blame even easier is when he is making you feel guilty about the end of the relationship. Has he told you explicitly or otherwise that you’re to blame? That he doesn’t know why you’re so down that it’s your fault you’re in this position?
Hey, it takes two to tango.
Both parties are responsible for the demise of the relationship. It’s true that you may in part be to blame, but it’s only partly. Sure you can have improved some things but ultimately you both played a role.
Let’s imagine for a moment that your partner is blaming separation on your controlling nature, placing all the blame on your behavior. If this is true, perhaps your actions played a role. But did he ever try to talk to you about it? Did he broach the issue and take strides to communicate how he felt?
Take this chance to sit down and communicate with him. To get everything out there on the table so you both understand where the other is coming from. When talking speak factually. When emotional it’s easy to let our language compound the problem. We speak in hyperbole and make ourselves feel worse by adding fictitious details to the situation.
Control is an illusion.
It’s something we as humans create to make us feel comfortable in an inherently chaotic and meaningless world. Acknowledging that we’re powerless is a humble step towards accepting the uncertainty that is marriage.
You can do everything right and still be left with a negative outcome. You can’t control every variable. How to get your husband back is difficult because you can’t control him like a puppet. But that’s the reality.
It may feel like we’re in control but we’re not. When we stop controlling life and surrender to the universe we’re better equipped to handle uncertainty.
We lower unrealistic expectations and begin to acknowledge that negative outcomes might be possible. By ditching the all-or-nothing mentality of either fixing or ending a marriage we begin to see other possibilities. We begin to imagine the many paths our lives can take and how each path has its pros and cons.
To clarify, when I say surrender I don’t mean give up. I don’t mean you should do nothing and accept how powerless you are.
Not at all.
You have the power to have a conversation, to be there for your family and husband, and to make positive change. True surrendering is about a detachment from all outcomes and trusting that the right one will unfold for the highest good of all concerned.
If it helps surrender to God, a higher power, or the abstractness that is the inherent chaos that is the universe. Relinquishing attachment to outcome doesn’t mean giving up. Rather it means using logic to take a step back and objectively observe the situation. It means having empathy for those around you and being in awe of how complex life is.
I know you’re here to learn how to get your husband back. So why would healing internally help you with that?
The truth is it does, but even if it doesn’t it still plays a positive role in your life moving forward.
Everyone has internal wounds. Chances are there are certain wounds that prevent you from being in a healthy relationship. Only you know what those wounds are. But sometimes identifying them isn’t easy. It takes terrifying introspection.
Together I can help you find these issues, manage repressed feelings, and heal.
To begin the healing process right now take these two steps.
The only way to deal with the present is to be here. Mindfulness meditation will help you be more aware of your surroundings. Simply by focusing on the breath you can relax your mind, start to cultivate peace, and be more mindful and willing to interact with both positive and negative emotions.
Meditation helps you become present of emotions and make them more manageable. But that doesn’t mean dealing with negative emotions is easy. You have the choice of distracting yourself, suppressing them, or running.
The healthy response is to take a step back and understand where this negativity is coming from. What’s at the root of this response? Becoming an emotional detective is a way to examine your emotions not from the perspective of a victim but from an investigatory perspective. This healthy distance provides an objective viewpoint. From this vantage point you can then decide how to manage these emotions. It also triggers a power exchange. No longer will your emotions be in charge. Instead, you’re more logical brain takes over.
There is no magic potion that will make you two fall back in love.
Getting your husband back is a journey, one where the path looks a bit uncertain right now.
I have helped many a woman repair their marriage and turn their lives around.
Through my program, The Authentic Relationship System I help women find inner peace, grow, and understand what makes their man tick.
I’d love to learn more about you and your relationship. Let’s sit down and have a one-on-one chat where we get to know each other and see if I can be of service to you.