There are many ways to bind a marriage together. You can do it with laughter, shared values, children, and a million other things. I, however, believe that if you don’t have trust, all those other bindings will eventually lose their adhesive.
Trust isn’t just the super glue but the rose-colored glasses that makes everything else in your relationship better.
Look, I don’t know why you feel like you can’t trust your husband. Perhaps he’s been lying, cheating, or just acting strange. Whatever your reason I know how to rebuild trust in your marriage.
Regardless of the reasons why I know how to repair the marriage.
But just because you have a blueprint doesn’t mean your marriage will magically be healed. Women I’ve worked with like Angie, Loree, and Monique have turned their marriages around because they bought in and invested in making meaningful changes. Ultimately they’ve been rewarded for their efforts.
Create a massive shift by focusing on the steps below and being diligent in implementing them.
When it comes to repairing a marriage or simply improving something it’s not a matter of sitting and waiting. If your water heater is broken you don’t sit and pray it’ll magically start heating water do you?
Rebuilding trust is an active process that requires more than hoping your husband will become the man you want him to be. For that matter it requires the pair of you to transform and make lasting changes.
It’s a proactive journey towards improving your marriage that the two of you must work on. But realize you can’t change him.
He’s not some piece of clay you can mold to your liking. He also isn’t an impressionable child that you can teach. If he changes it’s because he wants to, not because you’re asking him to do so.
Don’t get me wrong, going to a marriage counselor may be a worthy investment, but only if he truly wants to change but just doesn’t know how. If you’re hoping and praying he”ll make changes that save your marriage, stop.
The only person you can control is you.
Be honest with yourself.
Do your values align with that of your husband?
Are you both honest with each other, do you care for one another, do you make sacrifices for one another?
Trust may be lacking because you feel as though your husband hasn’t been keeping his word lately. He’s working late instead of coming home, getting drinks with friends instead of arriving on time to important occasions, and isn’t living up to the image of the man you thought you had married.
Look back at how he’s been behaving as of the past for weeks, months, and years.
Do those behaviors align with your own?
If not it may be time to reevaluate the situation.
Now I’m not saying it’s time to leave your man just because your values appear incompatible. What I am saying is that you need to reassess the situation.
Get clarity around the person you are and the person he is. Understand how far he’ll need to come in order to share those same values and rebuild trust. Doing so will give you a realistic understanding of your pathway forward.
Trust in your ability to assess the situation.
You are the only person whose opinion matters. This is your life and no one else has to live it but you. You’ve spent all this time with your husband. You know better than anyone what makes him tick.
Now just because you’ve concluded that you have conflicting values with your husband that doesn’t suddenly make them a horrible person. I don’t necessarily want you to have the sudden realization that your husband’s an ass and abscond.
It’s more than possible to make peace with the differences.
Though admittedly this is easier to do with a casual acquaintance than with a romantic partner.
Trust your gut. Trust that you know who your husband is and don’t second guess what you want out of the relationship.
It’s easy to lose sight of who one is after being in a relationship for so long.
It’s easy to confuse who you think you are with who you want to be. I’m not pointing fingers but it’s possible your behavior doesn’t align with who you think you are.
Get your attitudes in check and understand who you are.
Be mindful of how you’ve been acting and strive to demand more from yourself if you’ve noticed them slipping.
That’s why I always say that a massive part of this journey is about elevating yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. Remember you’re enough as you are! Once you accept that you’ll raise your standards and realize that you deserve better treatment.
Once you do that you’ll make peace with your lack of trust.
If you feel as though you’re enough you’ll trust in your decisions. You will trust in your feeling that you don’t trust him.
You’ll be willing to ask the scariest question of all – do you believe he’s capable of changing?
If not it’s best to trust in your decision to move on. But if he can change, it’s time to progress to 4.
Perhaps your husband is the same person you married, however, he’s just erred from his values a little bit.
He’s partially lost sight of who he is, but not to the extent that he’s lost himself.
If you believe he’s able to become the man he once was, you need to allow him to change. Keep an open mind and be willing to accept that he’s making changes.
Maintain an open heart while he’s undergoing this process.
What I notice too often is that partners struggle to see the change or demand too much from their husbands. After a while, he’ll become frustrated and feel as though it’s never enough.
Create the space for him to demonstrate that he’s willing to change.
As you open your heart and heal you’ll be able to really see how he’s changed and embrace the new and improved version of your husband.
This whole process of how to rebuild trust in your marriage becomes a lot easier when you yourself are able to heal.
Putting your ego aside as you allow your husband to become a better man is essential to rebuilding trust. He can make all the necessary changes but if you can’t get past how you’ve been wronged it will all be for naught.
You can’t heal in a day. But in time and with the right support by your side you’ll be able to begin anew.
In my program, the Authentic Relationship System we provide women with the blueprint they need to transform not only their marriages but themselves.
Reclaim yourself and become the best version of yourself when you team up with me along with a team of women that understand what you’re going through.
If you want to join this amazing community where you’ll find support, learn what makes your man tick, and how to heal from within let’s chat.
Book a 1-on-1 call with me so we can talk about your relationship, goals, and see if I can help you change your life.