You thought mixed messages were behind you when you married.
Not knowing what your romantic partner is thinking is for first dates right?
As you and I well know, the mixed messages don’t stop even after you’ve married – especially if a relationship is on the fritz.
It can be terrifying not knowing what your spouse is thinking with respect to staying together.
A husband leaving isn’t the same as ending things with a 2-month old boyfriend. A husband is an integral part of every wife’s life. Should the husband leave the family, children, routine, and every other aspect of your life will be impacted.
You’re not alone in dealing with this uncertainty. As a relationship coach, I exclusively work with women struggling to find stability in their marriages.
I can tell you that many women before you and many women after you feel as confused and scared as you do right now.
This isn’t something unique to your life, but rather an obstacle many married couples face.
But respect to you.
Instead of hoping this issue magically resolves itself, you’re being proactive about finding a solution.
That’s where this article can help.
In this article we’ll discuss:
If your husband is love-bombing you only to ghost you and give you the cold shoulder days later, this article is for you.
There are a few reasons why he might be sending mixed signals.
His reason for sending mixed messages may determine how you should move forward.
Your partner has been with you for years now.
You two have so many beautiful shared memories and have invested heavily into one another.
Even though he may be considering ending it, he still cares for you.
He may not want to rip off the bandaid for fear that it’ll hurt you.
Even though they realize it’s best to move on the thought of ending things crushes them.
Over the years he’s developed a great deal of empathy for you. And just because he no longer sees the relationship as viable doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about your feelings or the consequences of his actions.
These mixed signals may be compounded if he’s the sensitive type. If he’s super in tune with your emotions and knows exactly how you’ll feel when he ends things, he’ll want to delay for as long as possible.
To be clear, this is the wrong approach.
Not wanting to hurt you isn’t an excuse for being wishy-washy.
But realize that his actions are borne out of love and empathy.
I’m in no way justifying his ambivalent behavior. Rather, I want you to understand it and reciprocate the empathy. If you do this, the relationship will come to a much smoother conclusion.
The opposite of this is a man that prefers to rip off the bandaid and ends things abruptly and without tact. This is of course at the other end of the breakup spectrum and is equally harmful to one’s well-being.
But not wanting to hurt you isn’t the only reason he can’t seem to make up his mind.
This is the biggest decision of his life.
Bigger than deciding which car to buy, choosing which city to live in, or where to go to college.
This is the decision that could uproot his entire life.
It’s for that reason he honestly doesn’t know what to do next.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to hurt you (although I’m sure he’s taken that under consideration) but rather, he’s just super confused and doesn’t want to say the wrong thing.
But as you know, not saying anything at all or being ambivalent can be just as damaging. Without a concrete decision, you’re left trying to read his mind, which ultimately leads you to create a damaging narrative.
In making his decision he’s taking everything into consideration, the family, kids, the house, shared financiers, the dog, the friends, Christmases, future vacations, etc.
It’s difficult to leave something he spent years building. Especially when he thinks about everything he might lose. There are days he’ll think back on beautiful moments. He’ll remember the begging when you first met, having children, the vacations, and all the good bits.
But on other days he’ll think about all the reasons he wants to leave.
He’s conflicted – can you blame him?
One decision could tear down everything he built.
I know all this ambivalence is a nuisance, but it’s actually a good thing.
His uncertainty means he’s left the door open.
Knowing this will help you engage in effective communication.
When broaching the subject try to have an open mind and listen first. I know this is a lot to ask but he’s just as scared as you are.
Understand where his head is at and try to get a better read on the situation.
If they’re not willing to be cold and calculated, their emotions will inevitably make things messy.
He’s having a million thoughts a minute, each one triggering him and making him more emotional.
It should be expected that he’s a little emotionally unstable at this time.
He’s looking back on his life as if it were a movie, romanticizing the good and detesting the bad.
This is the most pivotal decision in his life, it makes sense that he’s panicking about how to best move forward.
His emotions will only be compounded the more time he spends around you and the kids, when he drinks, or when goes to family events.
At a time like this, each moment could trigger him and make him spiral away from stability and towards a never-ending loop of confusion.
These unchecked emotions are the reason you’re receiving I love you texts followed by him distancing himself for a few days.
Communicate openly and honestly while also healing internally.
The only way to really understand where he’s at is to sit him down and have a conversation. Be open and willing to listen without immediately judging. The better a listener you are and the more tact you employ the more willing he is to keep the lines of communication open in the future.
It’s annoying and may seem unfair that the onus is on you but you can’t change him. Healing is the only way to effectively manage the situation and confidently move forward.
If you don’t heal, every little thing he says may trigger you.
While emotions are running high everything he says has the potential to drive you insane and send you spiraling out of control.
Dealing with your emotions will serve to better help you navigate through these uncertain times.
Be the one that opens communication and heals internally.
It’s on you because as we’ve seen he’s not willing to step up. He’s unwilling to have an open and direct conversation. With that said, it’s up to you to initiate that conversation.
You can do this.
But there’s a difference between knowing what you have to do and getting it done.
Perhaps you understand the concepts we’ve discussed but haven’t identified the concrete steps you need to take to implement them.
That’s where I come in.
In my program, the Real Authentic Relationship System I teach my clients about the real mind, how to heal, and how to save their marriage.
I’ll teach you the actionable steps you can take to make a difference in your relationship.
My class consists of 35 hours of training via my video curriculum, weekly private phone calls, and unlimited personal messaging.
This hybrid learning model is used because I recognize every relationship is unique and may require personalized solutions.
I’d like to learn more about your relationship and your relationship goals. Let’s talk via a 1-on-1 call so that we can learn a bit more about each other. During our call we’ll talk about your relationship and see if my program is the right fit to help you improve your romantic life.