There are few things more difficult that a human can go through than a divorce.
Not like I need to tell you that but it helps to have your pain validated. Having your entire life uprooted can feel apocalyptic. I know it’s incredibly difficult – the women I speak with every week tell me about it.
They tell me about the fear they have of losing their entire life. About the soul-crushing sadness and anger they feel from a separation in marriage.
Now for the good news.
Every one of my clients makes it through that storm. Some feel as though they’re clinging to the remnants of a broken ship to stay afloat, but they make it through.
As difficult as it is to imagine, the pain will pass. Transformation, growth, and healing will all take place.
I know you’re capable of it simply because you’re reading these words.
Just by doing so you’re showing you’re willing to make an effort. That you desire change and have sought it out. Now it’s time to take that next step and learn how to cope with a separation in marriage.
I don’t want to overwhelm you with a 10-point plan to cope with separation and even win your husband back. That’s now the purpose of this article.
The purpose is merely to offer strategies that have worked with clients of mine and to toy with the idea of applying what you’ve learned. Don’t feel it’s necessary to immediately apply everything you read here. Simply reading the blueprint for healing is enough for now.
When I say the physical I’m referring to how you communicate with your husband.
After hearing that your husband wants to separate you’re probably not in the best state of mind to have a conversation. Naturally, you’re being assaulted by emotions left and right. Any attempt at talking with lead to tears, anger, and nothing productive will come from your talk.
Your emotions may get the best of you for some time.
Before having any kind of meaningful conversation with your husband, you need to be in a state of relative calm. You need to be able to have a productive conversation. That can only be accomplished if you’re able to keep your emotions in check.
When you do finally have a conversation, be careful not to push too much.
Your husband has already made up his mind. For him, it’s over. Any in-depth conversation will turn him off and make him feel as though he’s under attack. He will most likely be willing to let you know why he wants to leave but any attempt to change his mind won’t work.
Keep things practical and pragmatic.
How are you expected to move forward when you’re always worrying about the worst-case scenario?
You’re stressed because he may take the kids, the house, and all other material things you once shared.
After an initial freakout, get things cleared up. Talk with legal counsel and understand what the worst-case scenario would look like as well as what is most likely to happen.
I know there is a strong urge to put this on hold. To not investigate and just let things play out. But while you wait your mind will continue to play out a scenario in your head much worse than what may actually happen.
Once you know the worst-case scenario, you can acknowledge it, make peace with it, or at least attempt to improve the situation.
Only once you’ve addressed this will you be able to invest your energy into improving the relationship with your husband and healing.
Coping with marriage separation also means understanding male psychology.
It means understanding how men operate so you can better communicate and understand your husband.
But wait… shouldn’t my husband try to understand how I’m feeling?
Of course! And as much as I want him to understand your feelings, the challenging part is that you can’t control him. Not to mention, having him understand you isn’t the best way to heal. The best way to do so is to understand and have compassion for where he’s coming from.
With that said, let’s understand his perspective.
Right now he feels as though nothing can change. His position and feelings won’t, you won’t, nothing will. He wants freedom and change, and feels as though you’re holding him back.
He wants freedom so badly he’s willing to sacrifice the marriage for it. Every time you try to have an in-depth talk about the relationship he feels as though you’re holding him back.
Instead of nudging him in a certain direction, what you should be doing is trying to understand what’s happening between his ears.
The best way to go about this is to ask how he’s feeling. Express a desire to put the marriage to the side for a moment and just understand how he is doing at this moment in time.
Show genuine compassion and eventually, he will open up.
It’s not all about how he’s feeling.
Be honest and address your own feelings during this difficult time.
What is your mental approach to this situation?
Be aware of your thoughts and how they impact how you feel and behave.
If you’re always being negative, chances are you won’t be able to move forward.
Chronic fear, hate, and sadness are never helpful when trying to heal.
If you can get to a place of acceptance where you’re not pushing back against what’s happening you can begin to heal and move forward. Acceptance of reality will allow you to behave more logically and have more civil and productive conversations because you’re able to think clearly.
So much of our negative feelings come from resisting a situation rather than from the situation itself. Constantly swimming upstream will leave an emotional toll on your mental well-being. Whereas if you accept what’s happening you’re able to make peace. You may not like it, but you won’t be investing energy into something that won’t reap rewards.
This allows you to not obsess over the worst-case scenario. It allows your thoughts to be elsewhere as you invest more in healing.
The most important step you can take is by creating an emotional shift.
I know it’s incredibly difficult to hear but no one is able to be at their best when they’re down. You can’t achieve your goals, be the best parent you can be, or face challenges head-on when you’re down for the count. If you’re mentally gutted, you won’t be able to heal.
You make good decisions when you’re in a good mental space.
Think about it.
When is the last time you had a good conversation when you were angry or depressed?
But healing isn’t just so that you can have better relationships with others. It’s also about having a better relationship with yourself.
It’s hard enough trying to maintain relationships with your husband and family, don’t let yourself be yet another person working against you.
Healing on the inside is paramount when your dealing with a separation in marriage.
Start by simply listening to your emotions and thoughts. Be cognizant of them and understand why you’re having such thoughts.
However following a blueprint that is proven to work can be difficult, so where do you begin?
My program provides a concrete blueprint designed to help women dealing with separation in marriage. I take you through step-by-step what needs to be done in order for you to heal.
Via live sessions as well as an online curriculum, I teach women about male psychology, how to effectively communicate with others, and most importantly how to heal.
I give you the practical strategies and tools you can apply right now to transform your life.
When you enroll you’ll be supported by a group of women going through exactly what you yourself are going through.
I’d love to learn more about you and how you’d like to change when we talk via a 1-on-1 call.
During this call we’ll talk about your marriage and see how my program can help you create a meaningful transformation.