More than anything, there is one characteristic that is holding your marriage back.
One characteristic that isn’t just living in your head rent-free, but has purchased the space and is now renting it out as an Airbnb.
It’s how you manage this trait that will determine whether your marriage is successful or whether it wilts.
Look you wouldn’t be reading this article if everything was fine. I know how difficult it is to be in your shoes right now. I’ve helped many women that are going through exactly what you’re going through.
I’m here to tell you that things will get better. I know because the women that were just like you have gone on to live fulfilling marriages. But they’ve only been able to grow after having faced their fears and put the work into creating meaningful change.
People come to me when their marriage is on its last legs. When a husband has already cheated, is showing little respect for his wife, is distant, refuses to touch her, etc. It hurts me because if only they had addressed this trait earlier could they have saved their marriage. Change is possible but too many of us want to change only once we’ve been handed a fatal diagnosis.
The thing is, even if your relationship is in stage four, it can still be saved.
It all comes down to how you manage this one trait.
As humans we pride ourselves on being multidimensional.
We have bountiful qualities – but not all are good.
In every human that has ever graced this planet, woman or man, we find the saboteur personality trait.
The saboteur is that voice in your head that is always casting doubt. The one that swears to god you can’t do it. This voice causes you to doubt, stress, anxiety, depression, and is forever trying to keep you down.
Let’s say everything is going just fine. Then for whatever reason you start doubting yourself.
That’s the saboteur.
It’s the voice that says you can’t save the marriage, you’ll never lose that weight, debt will chase you forever, etc.
Even if things seem to be improving that malicious voice will whisper or scream into your ear, telling you it won’t all turn out okay.
Even though what we’re capable of is limitless the saboteur inside is always trying to convince us otherwise.
In a relationship or marriage the saboteur can manifest itself by telling yourself that you’re not enough. That the situation you’re in is one you’re deserving of and that no matter how hard you try you’ll never be able to fix things.
While that voice feels like the death of us, there are ways to hush it up.
The second you feel that voice playing a role in your marriage you must address it. Act as soon as you see the signs. We love procrastinating whether it be school, work, writing thank you cards, or by fixing our marriage.
Taking action now before it’s too late is the best way to address the situation.
So how do we go about quieting the saboteur?
It may take years of programming until the saboteur is put in its place, but starting now can make a significant impact on your marriage.
You can’t fight a foe that you can’t see.
You have to become aware that you’re subconscious is trying to hijack how you think and behave. The only way to take action is to notice what you’re doing. Only then can you formulate an actionable plan.
Being aware of negative tendencies and accepting them are two different things.
Accepting means acknowledging and being able to face the fact that you have a saboteur living inside you.
And remember, you aren’t unique in this. We all have moments of self-doubt.
Accepting the saboteur means you’re more able to identify how it operates. You can see it, feel it, and really analyze it. Instead of having it shout at you in an angry monologue you can dialogue with it and begin to reign it in.
Take out a pen and paper.
Think about how amazing your life would be in six months, a year, or two years, if you’re able to stamp out the saboteur. Think about how your social life, work life, and romantic life will change for the better.
Allow yourself to see the many possibilities, feel the optimism, and let them motivate you. Imagine how happy you and your husband would be. How your family would benefit and how you can finally live the life you really want to live.
Or go the other way.
If pleasure and happiness don’t adequately motivate you, use fear and pain.
Instead of imagining the best of the best imagine the worst of the worst. Go the opposite way and think about how life would be like if nothing went your way.
Maybe your husband would cheat, maybe he’d stop paying you attention, perhaps he’d always be out with the boys, or refuse to touch you.
I’m no Nostradamus.
I’m in no way saying these things because they will happen. Rather, by saying them now my goal is to prevent them from happening.
Everyone is motivated differently.
Some people will feel the flame via pleasurable motivation while others will ignite only after imagining the worse.
I understand how all of these can seem a bit amorphous.
Saving a marriage isn’t the most straightforward of things.
To do so you have to understand male psychology, communicate effectively, and invest in yourself. The roadmap to success isn’t as obvious as you might think.
I’ve helped dozens of women get what they want from their romantic lives. They have come to me broken and through effort and by following the blueprint in my Authentic Relationship System program they’ll able to transform their relationships.
Let’s talk so I can detail the process of change for you. You and I will not only team up but you’ll have a host of women just like you to help you through your journey.
My program is exclusively open to women. That means we’ve been able to create an all-female community full of love, support, and understanding.
Let’s talk now to being to create a meaningful shift in your marriage.
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